"Best of"

As I am too mentally overwhelmed by my most recent clumsy quarrel with jetlag to put together a series of rational thoughts, I have instead created the blog version of a lazily assembled “best of” sitcom episode - the random thoughts post. Since arrival in HK, I have been noting randomly stumbled upon interesting details, with the implied purpose of someday putting them in the blog. So, as to not leave my dozens of fans wanting, I give you… random observations.

Fried Egg on Club Sandwich: Anyone who knows me well, knows that when I am around a club sandwich, I become a man who used to be watching what he eats (... because I need three pieces of bread with my bacon and processed lunch meats). In Hong Kong when you order a club sandwich, of any variety, it comes toped with a well-peppered fried egg = Pure delight. For some assumedly subconscious reason I have a feeling that Matt Kerzner would love this… something about a Fat Moon.

Burping is Not Rude: Regardless of setting, office or formal dinner, burping is not considered rude in Hong Kong (I am not sure about the rest of China or Asia). Local cultural standards do not require an obligatory “excuse me” when letting loose an arrant or even purposeful belch in public. However, it is considered rude to rest chopsticks sticking straight up in a bowl of rice. I am still getting used to not giggling like Butthead when passing a grossly belching women and struggle to find a better cradle for my chopsticks between bites.

Average Step: While walking up a set of stairs to a train platform I felt that the average size of each stair seems smaller than those in the US. Feeling this could easily be a misestimation I did some research. My feelings were validated (thanks to Yahoo! Answers). The average height of a step on the average set of stairs in the average public area in HK is indeed smaller than the standard measurement we use in the States. I can only hypothesize that this inconsistency is a result of the slightly shorter average height in Asia (no research confirmed this).

Thinner Seats on Airlines: Along the same lines as the above step conundrum. I had the pleasure of riding one of Asia’s premier airlines, Cathay Pacific. Relative to a big-box sky liner from the States, a trip on Cathay Pacific is like an island holiday (ok, it is at least like a night in the Syosset Marriott). On a Cathay Pacific flight the food is not just edible, but good, and the staff is not just angrily serving ginger ale, they are friendly. However, there is one snag in the Cathay Pacific stockings: the seats are too thin. While most Asian men fit perfectly, I need about 3 extra inches on either side of my shoulders. There is no way to cure what ails me in this case, so… moving on.

Speedy and Energy Saving People Moving: Escalators are faster; it is immediately noticeable, and upon return to the US I felt the escalators were painfully slow. However, the most interesting thing about escalators is when they are off (insert Mitch Hedberg joke here, RIP). In an effort to save energy, additional escalators are deliberately turned off during times of low traffic. When closed, a green sign is strung across the entrance of the escalator reading, in English and what I can only assume is Chinese, “Escalator Closed: Energy Saving J”.

It’s the little things.

Peace and Feng Shui,

Far East Coast Gross

Wan Chai/ Is Prostitution Legal in Hong Kong?

It is hard to visit Hong Kong for more than a weekend without finding yourself in one of Asia’s most notorious neighborhoods - Wan Chai. Before arriving in Hong Kong, Wan Chai was described to me as, “The place the sailors go when they get off the boat”.

This description is a euphemism for the ‘place business men go when they take the long way home’, which is a euphemism for ‘Red Light District’, which is a euphemism for… you get it, right? Outside these (deep sniff) establishments, barely dressed Thai, Malaise and Philipino girls attempt to lure men in with the promise of all they can drink for $10 US. You can guess where it may go from there. Of course I am guessing as well… for real… don’t be nasty… I’m guessing.

On a three-block stretch of Lockhart Rd. in Wan Chai there must be thirty similar establishments all parading similar girls. Prostitution is not technically legal in Hong Kong, but it doesn't seem to be “illegal” (see what I did there, with the quotes and italics… that’s some good blog).

The Most Interesting Man in Hong Kong?

A few weeks back I went for a job interview at one of Hong Kong’s well-established publishing houses. Arriving at 11 am I found the office locked and still dark from the night before. A few minutes later the CEO of the company rolled in wearing board shorts, a polo shirt and Haviana sandals. He apologized for his being late and explained that he got caught up with a group of tourists till early morning.

My thirty-minute debate, earlier that morning, as to whether I should have worn a tie was suddenly inconsequential.

Our interview began; he turned the blinds, complained of a ‘giant hangover’ and asked if I minded that he smoked.

This guy, who I will refer to as SHK to preserve his identity, is a New Zealand transplant and has been in HK for close to thirty years. SHK studied at various levels in various locations before landing in a major investment bank, based in Hong Kong. At our first meeting, he explained that after three years of working in finance he was ‘bored to tears’ and ‘could not stomach another day of discussing market trends and other dreg (garbage) with colleagues’. SHK decided to try his hand at publishing, where he was initially disappointed to find that the field was not merely a dream world of photographing beautiful women on exotic beaches. Nonetheless it was a good fit, and his success as a result of this decision is obvious.

SHK admittedly gets involved in too many ‘extra-curriculars’ on most weekends… and many weeknights. He speaks fluent Cantonese; a trait few expatriates can boast. His business manager is a savvy, well-dressed local, who is a businessman during the day and performs a cross-dressed song and dance at night. SHK has a wealth of stories about Hong Kong’s golden age (when drugs were everywhere and HK went crazy for five years) and others about how he was able to mediate disagreements between two of Hong Kong’s most dangerous triads (gangs). 

He has a reserved seat at a local dive.

SHK is just the type that can become a man about town in Hong Kong. He is considered a local by the locals. He is sharp, charismatic and honest. This city rewards those who are hungry, brave and uniquely intelligent.

Of course, I know a grand total of 25 people here after two months of residency so I can't say for sure that he is the most interesting guy in HK, but he is the most interesting dude I know. I wish I could have put a photo in this post (and I have a great one) but couldn't risk my new job- send me a note if you want a visual to this post, or maybe it is just better to create your own image.

Peace and Feng Shui:

Far East Coast Gross

TRUE or FALSE: Asia Edition

Please, before reading this piece understand that the below article is an examination of stereotypes and is in no way designed to demean or characterize an individual. Also, waaaaahhhhhh.

World Table Soccer Championship

Asians care more about Table Tennis than they do about American (NFL) Football: TRUE! There is no disputing this. Prime time sports programming, as I have witnessed on NOW TV (Hong Kong’s premier sporting network), have included all of the following: Table Tennis, World Badminton, Table Soccer/ Foosball, ELP Soccer, NHL Hockey replay, UEFA Soccer and Volleyball. In Hong Kong, I get two NFL games a week and they air at 9 am. I feel itchy.

Hello Kitty is a Beloved Character in Asia: TRUE! Hello Kitty is rampant in Hong Kong. Hello Kitty is visible in window displays, McDonald’s Happy meal sponsorships and logos on fashionable clothing for ALL ages. True story; yesterday, I saw an elderly women, stooped over her hump back, which was preciously adorned with those simple dotted eyes, button nose and of course whiskers and a red bow.

Asia includes Russia: This is allegedly true, but I can't get my head around it. 

China is Communist: Well… sort of. (I am way to ignorant to discuss this topic with any expertise so I will any way). The Communist party controls China, but they are certainly not the hippy-money-hating kind of Communists. The Chinese government seems totalitarianism in certain policies (the now repealed 1 baby rule or oppressive internet and free speech policy). However, it is impossible to ignore China’s success, their inevitable journey to world super power and incredible growth opportunities in the middle class but… I’m bored, moving on.

Asians are Good at Math: I have no idea, but how could this not be true. (If you want the real answer to this question (which is yes)) read Malcolm Gladwell’s Outliers.

Asians love the Wu-Tang Clan: Inconclusive. I have not yet seen evidence of Asia's love for the '36 chambers', but just because I have not seen it does not mean it isn’t real (i.e. Life on Mars or The fact that god actually descends from the heavens to help TIm Tebow win football games). Also, it is 2011 soooooo…

Asians are short: True! Much to my delight, the average adult male in China is about 5'7". For the first time in my life I am above average height relative to the population around me. True story; I was the tallest person on my subway car yesterday. However, the average weight of a chinese male is 145 lbs, which makes me... well... just a pinch above average. 

Peace and Feng Shui:

FECG

My First Belly Ache in Hong Kong

A few days ago I began to feel a bit lonely and disconnected.  Every time we leave the house there is some sort of a challenge.  Everyday monotony doesn't always come easy.  These challenges are nothing overwhelming; they could be something as simple as trouble ordering a meal, or street directions only having Chinese characters.  However, when these difficulties add up it can weigh on you.  This is not culture shock, culture shock is different.  Culture shock is more of the initial "what am I doing here, what am I going to do with myself, what is that weird meet hanging in the market" kinda thing.  This is more of a weight you carry, mostly related to language.

So I did what any blue blooded american would do (while feeling lonely and disconnected)... I ate at McDonalds.

To satisfy curiosity: Micky D's here is about the same as it is in the states.  

Cantonese: Child Teacher/ Child Toucher

A few weeks back we were in the United States; the only sources I had for information on Hong Kong were two tourism books, the internet and a few acquaintances.  By all accounts, Frommer's and web alike, Hong Kong was THE place in Asia for English speakers.  Let me set that straight. 

This is not some semi-chinese english wonderland.  THIS IS CHINA! 

SOME CONTEXT: until 1997 Hong Kong was a province occupied by British rule.  Before the "handover" in 1997, when HK became an official territory of China, the official language here was English.  An additional complication is that Hong Kongers (as they are so referred) speak a different dialect than the majority of Chinese people- in HK the locals speak Cantonese.  To call the distinction between these two tongues a dialect is kind. In fact, the difference between Mandarin and Cantonese is less like the difference between Staten Island Jew and Southern drawl, and more like the difference between Italian and Spanish.  

First Impressions/ Respecting the Culture

Hong Kong is smaller than you would expect; about one third the size of Manhattan.  Hong Kong has roughly the same number of people as New York City in roughly a third of the space.  One of the first things you notice about this town is how small it is- not small in human presence, personality or scope, but rather small in area (which of course if measured in Kilometers).  The subway, or MTR, which runs on the northern, most populated and active part of the island can be rode from end to end in 25 minutes.

After understanding the size of the city the next unavoidable fact of life here is the speed.  Everything is faster: the pace on the street